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iota

ナインイオタ [abbr="speech"]x[/abbr][abbr="self-reference; thoughts"]x[/abbr] info

iota found herself licking her paws again, soothing them even days after her journey inward to tanglewood. for the brief moment as a traveler when she met her new woodland acquaintances, she was happy. with herself, with the direction her life is heading, and all things in-between.
that was until before the harsh weight of reality slammed into her conscience like a sledgehammer into her ribcage.
the shore was quiet that day. catfish lurked among the salty-fresh water of the estuary, whipping up the murky bed underneath it with their powerful hind fins. iota wasn't hungry enough to fish, at least for now. her thoughts were making her sick to her stomach, and the thought of eating made the feeling worse.
why am i afraid...?
she concluded licking her paws and began to groom her snow-white fur. it was a much-needed bathing session, as the cuts from the relentless forest obstacles stained her legs with her own blood among pieces of woodland foliage.
the stains were a [abbr="in Darling in the FRANXX, Klaxosaur blood is blue, as is Zero Two's."]dark, menacing shade of blue.[/abbr] a grim reminder of her origins. she wanted to clean it off as soon as possible so her clanmates wouldn't suspect anything strange with her... that, and she just didn't want to see them anymore. the stains were a phantom of her true self, of her former self. even if she couldn't change her origins, it's changing the future that mattered the most to her.

so why was she so afraid...?

she stood up and contorted her body quickly, attempting to free the remaining foliage from her pelt. treading the sandy shore, iota moved to the waters in front of her for a quick drink.
she stopped. looking down into the water, the liquid mirror reflected a figure too familiar to iota.
her horns.
she welled up. she thought of how the other clanmates eyed her horns upon her arrival, almost immediately. were they that much of a beacon to her strangeness?
she turned away from her reflection, looking deep into the marshy forest behind her.
what in the hell was i thinking...? i'll never assimilate into tanglewood. it's useless.
fenrisulfr, a different clanmate that greeted her amongst the others upon her arrival, had a noticeable amount of spikes and horns on him, but it's as if the other clanmates were used to his appearance. why were they so shocked at iota's?

she craved answers. to her past and, now, to her present. hopefully, the answers will guide her future.

[color=#6b7e99]✦ ✦ ✦

A full medic now, Nayru often took to the territory to stock up on herbs and such in the case of the unfortunate. She still questioned her ability to heal (as she questioned everything about herself), but the idea of having an excess amount of supplies soothed her for whatever reason. She was prepared, physically, for anything in that sense. It took the pressure off of the uncertainty of not having enough and delicately placed it square upon her shoulders. In that vein, she supposed that she determined whether a patient was effectively healed or whether, goddesses forbid, they were not.

The tiny backpack she possessed was already bursting with leaves and seeds and such and Nayru had been on her way back to the ghost town when she passed the water in which Iota currently occupied. Intrigued, as she usually always was after stumbling upon her clanmates, the Akalan Princess wandered towards her. [b][color=#6b7e99]"Hello, Iota," She began with a pleasant smile, [color=#6b7e99]"How are you?" Nayru's outward cheeriness did not match the storm cloud brewing within her at all. She was still unsettled by the nightmare she had had just a day prior and even further, the seemingly crushing information that the goddess Nayru was simply gone. As soon as she was done here, she'd pray and pray and pray and hope to be given some answers. Until then, she hoped she could at least make it up to the female her opposite for making her uncomfortable when she joined.

[color=#6b7e99]"Do you like Tanglewood so far?"

FENRISULFR

▼ — when the weak court death, they find it.

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No, he did not shadow his clan mates like a worried parent,

even if thats exactly what he was doing - sigh.

Padding quietly after the full fledged doctor - and feeling strangely proud for the young nurse - Fenris did have to wonder at the reactions their clanmates had had to Iota - given his own form he'd been surprised they were so shocked by her horns - or maybe his was so outlandish as to be so less shocking,

or possibly there was too much to focus on - he was an odd conglomeration after all.

War quietly dipped his head to Iota in greeting as he padded around to simply sit quietly while Nayru asked her question, he could speak up after she'd answered but he was quite content to simply sit and be.

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▲ — TANGLEWOOD. PROXY. VERY HARD. REF. BIO. — ▲

#psychosocial.

iota

ナインイオタ [abbr="speech"]x[/abbr][abbr="self-reference; thoughts"]x[/abbr] info

did she really enjoy living in tanglewood so far?
it was hard to say, although most of it was through no fault of the clan's own. it was mostly her own thoughts clouding with the atmosphere of the clan's, creating a strange aura that resided around iota's conscience. however, she didn't want to make nayru uncomfortable -- she was trying to make friends after all.
iota sank her head back down to the cool waters of the estuary, swiping the water with her paws first to create ripples -- this way, she couldn't see her reflection as she was drinking, and she could focus her thoughts elsewhere other than on her appearance.
even if her appearance made her uncomfortable around her new clanmates, the warmth of their presence always made up for it. a real family... that was not something iota could say she ever had. she knew none of her relatives, not even her parents. assuming she had any real ones, that is. her new clan, though, made up for the past. she hadn't felt this warmth in... well, forever.

[align=center]it was so much warmth.

the feeling of a family alone made iota feel at home. she wanted to keep this feeling; the dopamine hit from her clanmates' friendliness was addictive.

would it last?

clock's ticking. stop rambling to yourself and answer the damn question. even if you need to lie about it, just stop asking yourself these damn questions.

is she enjoying her time?

the world doesn't revolve around you.

iota mustered the strength to reply to nayru after what felt like hours of pondering to herself. she hoped she didn't take up any of her valuable time, she knows how important the medical position of the clan must be. she looked back up at the medic, her emerald eyes gleaming under the sun.
". . . i've had a wonderful time so far, nayru." she tilted her head away so as to break eye contact and looked back down at the waters of the shore. the ripples were beginning to die down, and her reflection was beginning to come back into plain view. "listen... i want to thank you, as well as all of the others in tanglewood, for taking me in. i haven't really had a proper moment to thank you all properly. the hospitality has been like no other here. at least, from what i've experienced in my life." she swatted at the water again, the ripples taking shape once again and spreading towards the horizon. she turned her gaze to meet fenris, who had come to listen in on their conversation. she dipped her head to him in respect, similarly to how he bowed his head to her. "you too, fenris. i'm glad i met the both of you, even if it's only been for a few days. i've never felt what it feels like to have a friend." she turned her head upward, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.
"or a family, for that matter. i hope my appearance didn't put you all off at the start. it's been a hard transition into clan life, but i'm starting to know what it feels like to have a family."

she laughed to herself briefly, her face beginning to burn hot with embarrassment. "i know i'm bein' mushy."

she quieted herself again.

she still had questions.

FENRISULFR

▼ — when the weak court death, they find it.

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Fenris listened quietly as she answered Nayru, idly crossing his paws over each other to let the lava lined claws rest idly against each other - though his eyes strayed to the waters edge briefly before back again.

he smiled idly - though troubled to know that tanglehood of all places was being lauded for hospitality in comparison to previous places, that certainly put a dent on whatever those places had been for Iota, tangles was hardly overly friendly, well, unless you were one of theirs.

he snorted idly at her last comment of her thoughtful words "you can be as mushy as you like, I don't judge" he hummed idly, long ears flickering "I'm glad to see you settling in either way - you're one of us now, an we're loyal to each other if nothing else" he smiled idly "even if we do get on one anothers nerves from time to time".

/ride together, die together tanglers 4 lyfe

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▲ — TANGLEWOOD. PROXY. VERY HARD. REF. BIO. — ▲

#psychosocial.

Morgan had appeared just in time to hear Iota's little speech. Content in having understood nearly all of it, the dog wagged its fluffy tail and stepped forward. It nodded in agreement with its fellow Proxy, though it felt like it should try to add something as well.

The cream canine took a moment to come up with the right words. "Iota, I never knew what family was before Tanglewood too. Tanglewood, you all, is my whole life," it said with a smile, turning toward Fenrisulfr first before facing Iota once more. Morgan knew its sentences were nowhere near perfect, but it hoped it at least got its point across. Whatever "mushy" meant, the dog was glad it and its fellow Tanglers could get the chance to speak their minds.

    It was quite the sight to see the disheveled commander out in the open, much less willingly in the same vicinity as sprawling bodies of water. For an entity disguised as a little feline, he appeared deeply upset at even the thought of inching close past the muddy cattails and to the shore; a ghastly scowl had been carved into his freckled features, scrunched up wrinkles distorting his youthful appearance. He had been attempting to rig together a crude fishing trap, but the instant he was staring out over the placid muck of the estuary, his confidence deflated into a mere whimper of fear. Swamp puddles he was fine with, they were too shallow to drown in. But the thought of the phantom hands escaping from his memories and forcing beneath the surface here was a different story. Crooked wire net clutched between hesitant paws, his honey-brown eyes stared at everything lurking in the water's depths and nothing at the same time. Beck's attention was always easily torn away at the slightest of sounds, senses forcing his being into alarm mode every time as if expecting a bounty hunter to burst from the dark foliage, swinging and slashing at him.

    A metaphorical heartbeat of owlishly staring back at the rustling's source, pricked ears managed to snatch snippets of conversation. Familiar voices paired with familiar smells -- he was fine, nothing wanted to attack him yet. His self-reassurance didn't prevent a shaky huff from leaving his bruised lungs, matted cowlicks falling into his vision as his gaunt figure slouched in relief. Propping his unused fish trap up against a willow's roots, the poltergeist slunk into the ferns to investigate, seeking to distract from the constant boredom and paranoia overwhelming his thoughts.

    He didn't think Iota was strange. He didn't think anyone was strange at all. Partially because he was nearly blind unless he ignored their personal bubbles and got up in their faces to discern the blurred details. They all were the same smudged outlines and vibrant shapes either way. The only way he noticed Iota's horns at all was due to the obvious spikes jutting from her skull. Fenrisulfr was too tall for him to even begin calling out on his oddities, Nayru seemed to be ordinary, and Morgan always wore a mask. That said, Beck could care less about appearances. If his mangy flanks, terrible scarring, and scorched-away cheek weren't enough evidence already.

    The boy waited on the fringes of their get-together for a while, occasionally an electric-blue tongue peeking out to obsessively lick the edges of his missing cheek and razor-blade teeth. Flicking a notched ear to the rhythm of words being spoken, he eventually caught himself up with their exchanges even if he remained wordless for the most part. Hospitality? Family? Amber eyes rolled at that claim, sharkish teeth gritting as if the idea made him feel sick. He supposed he had sparked the unsteady beginnings of a family -- albeit a handful of them had disappeared already, and if they wanted to label themselves as a family, he bet they were awfully dysfunctional. He had spent many years watching these "families" from the intangible corners of their own homes, and they were examples of normal behavior, right? Well, how was he supposed to know how a proper, unhaunted family behaved? He couldn't remember his, and his so-called brother didn't feel like a brother after showing up out of the blue.

    "Ugh, families," the scrawny ghost finally spoke up in a shrill whine, face pulling back into a grimace as he stuck out his discolored tongue in a child-like manner. A wheezing snicker followed as if his grievances were nothing more than jokes, and after a moment of labored gasping to regain his unneeded breath, Beck continued with a mumble, "I guess if ya wanna call us a 'family', ya can, even though we ain't related." Families were only bound by kin or marriage from his experience, and no creature alive held the title of blood relative to him.

    Beck warily offered a strained smile, the expression out of place on his disfigured maw as he rambled on, "But -- hey, nobody's gonna care 'bout horns, or wings, or third eyeballs, least last time I checked. We're all freaks here." To emphasize his degrading point, the poltergeist flaunted around his undead state, more than happy to allow a foreleg to lose its tangibility and pass it through Iota's head, certainly giving her a cold rush of static before he recoiled and resumed his corporeal apparition. Another eerie giggle rattled from him, baring his jagged fangs in the process. "Yeah, we're a whole 'family' freakshow! Somebody's gotta call up the circus, their entire show just escaped!" Whatever moral or point he was struggling to describe was once again twisted and mangled by his cynical teeth. Beck caught himself, faltering for words before he sputtered out, "Not that it's a bad thing, I mean -- heh."

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iota

ナインイオタ [abbr="speech"]x[/abbr][abbr="self-reference; thoughts"]x[/abbr] info

iota felt her thoughts stagger a bit at the commander's words. he had been mocking her, though she supposed it was calculated considering it was from him. she's going soft. she knew she had been earlier, but why didn't she hesitate to pour out her feelings? is it because nobody had been around prior to listen to her? this wasn't her usual behavior; obviously, if she hadn't felt anything for her clanmates when they met her there at the shore, she'd kept quiet. but this time was different.
her gaze sank, again looking over the estuary as the sun began to kiss the water with its fiery presence. "i suppose it's silly for you to think of such a thing, but i guess the point i'm trying to make is that you guys are all i have now. not that i had much before." she kicked the earth in front of her, stirring the shore as soil and pebbles grazed the surface and clouded the water beneath it. of course she knew that they weren't a "real family," by definition at least. even if tanglewood was a bit hostile at its core, her fellow members have helped her assimilate as much as possible. they've given her food, shelter, and the right to freely roam about the territory. it was more than she could ever ask for.
the laboratory didn't provide such luxuries. it was a wonder she hadn't died of starvation there as they tested on her, torturing her. her memories met her nerves as she suddenly remembered the pain of several needles and sharp objects protruding into her body as the ruthless scientists prodded her for precious data. she was but a set of numbers to them. life was but a means to an end to the scientists that studied her every movement, her every emotion.
for a brief moment, she felt her memories flicker again. she remembered the times she went into larger cities, full of people, in an attempt to coalesce with society, and the attempts all faltered. the humans screeched at the sight of her, and the alley cats would shove her off, sometimes attacking her, forcing her fight or flight behavior, usually the former being the candidate for her reactions. she didn't even remember the death toll.
she could suddenly feel the presence of her claws in her paws as if they were unnatural. it was quite a discomforting feeling.
she just didn't want history to repeat itself.
iota turned away from the cluster of creatures and sighed, her breath cutting the air. her smile left her face, changing from a visage full of empathy to an expressionless, indifferent gaze. "i suppose that's all i have to say." she stood from her position, stretching her slender, white body, and unsheathing her claws to let them breathe momentarily.

it's been too long since you've used those.

she left the shore quietly, without looking back at her cohorts, having said too much.

// what an emo

[color=#6b7e99]✦ ✦ ✦

Nayru didn't mind waiting- quite the contrary actually. She'd stand and patiently wait for Iota to collect and formulate her thoughts all day if she needed to, expression never once changing from that tender, curious one that masked her features now. Though she would admit... she wasn't expecting such a heartfelt response. [b][color=#6b7e99]"Iota..." She began softly, her turn now to organize her thoughts, [color=#6b7e99]"Of course! You're so kind! We love having you here!" Her exclamations were joined by an almost too-bright smile, one that halfway seemed misplaced upon Nayru's lips. She didn't smile often, that was for sure. [color=#6b7e99]"My own family situation is... complicated. Tanglewood has treated me far better than my own father ever has in his entire existence. We are just a really big, kind of wild family," She confessed, cerulean gaze falling to the floor for a moment.

She had never vocally expressed the troubles she had with her father, too frightened by the implausible potential that he'd somehow hear her words and scream at her for them. She would have offered more had it not been for Beck's arrival and subsequent words. [color=#6b7e99]"Hey be nice. The word 'freak' is a little harsh," She halfway joked, [color=#6b7e99]"Though I will con-"

Was Iota just leaving?

Oh.

Nayru was tempted to pursue her but for some reason stayed still, lips pursing as she contemplated the other. Maybe she was tired... maybe she needed to rest. [color=#6b7e99]"Or maybe you scared her away with talk of circuses," She suddenly said aloud, gazing at Beck. She was still partially joking but did sincerely hope that that wasn't the case. She quite liked Iota and she wanted her to feel as comfortable and at home as humanly possible.