Diary Entry #2
(PG-13) WARNINGS: MENTION OF DEATH AND INDIRECT MENTION OF SUFFOCATION
too tired to deal with the coding rn m'sleepy and can't sleep
my pillow no longer feels like a soft dream. it's hard and unforgiving. it's fitting considering my sleeplessness.
my neck is always in pain. whether from awful pillows, from constant stress, or from phantom pains from my nightmares.
my nightmares only fuel my insomnia.
it's been like this for almost 5 years now. it all started over having such vivid nightmares that felt so real. my brain loves to kill me several...SEVERAL...times a night, or every other night. hilariously enough, a xenomorph was the villain most of the time (occasionally I'd be killed from falling too far while trying to escape or for holding my breath too long while waiting for the creature to leave). i now know what it's like to be a video game character that has infinite lives. people i know and people i love make appearances in those nightmares. as well as some other things (i once was crawling through a ventilation shaft in one nightmare and i watched shiro from voltron get torn to pieces. he was an android for some reason, like he was a lot like samuels from alien:isolation).
i'm always the last to die. whether it's instant death, or slowly bleeding out or whatever. i feel like everything i do is worthless, everything i do is meaningless, everything i do is all for nothing.
you know, i've never survived in a single nightmare i've had in the five years i've had these.
(since i started dating my boyfriend, the past 7 months have only had a few nightmares.
the worst one made me live with my hand on my pulse for four days when i woke up.
i had to make sure i was still breathing.)
--- [k]enneth dr[a]ge cla[r]e r[a]vn
(PG-13) WARNINGS: MENTION OF DEATH AND INDIRECT MENTION OF SUFFOCATION
too tired to deal with the coding rn m'sleepy and can't sleep
my pillow no longer feels like a soft dream. it's hard and unforgiving. it's fitting considering my sleeplessness.
my neck is always in pain. whether from awful pillows, from constant stress, or from phantom pains from my nightmares.
my nightmares only fuel my insomnia.
it's been like this for almost 5 years now. it all started over having such vivid nightmares that felt so real. my brain loves to kill me several...SEVERAL...times a night, or every other night. hilariously enough, a xenomorph was the villain most of the time (occasionally I'd be killed from falling too far while trying to escape or for holding my breath too long while waiting for the creature to leave). i now know what it's like to be a video game character that has infinite lives. people i know and people i love make appearances in those nightmares. as well as some other things (i once was crawling through a ventilation shaft in one nightmare and i watched shiro from voltron get torn to pieces. he was an android for some reason, like he was a lot like samuels from alien:isolation).
i'm always the last to die. whether it's instant death, or slowly bleeding out or whatever. i feel like everything i do is worthless, everything i do is meaningless, everything i do is all for nothing.
you know, i've never survived in a single nightmare i've had in the five years i've had these.
(since i started dating my boyfriend, the past 7 months have only had a few nightmares.
the worst one made me live with my hand on my pulse for four days when i woke up.
i had to make sure i was still breathing.)
--- [k]enneth dr[a]ge cla[r]e r[a]vn