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+---- Thread: where my armour ends // private (/showthread.php?tid=1264)
where my armour ends // private - hana. - 05-12-2018
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;"]She had been gone for so long. Too long. Time had transformed from increments, measurable and finite, to an endless flow like the harsh rapids of a river. No borders, no edges, no limit: it pulled Hana under, held her from the surface. But unlike before, it did not suffocate her. The passage of time, as relentless as it was, offered a respite from the tedious life she broke free from. Yet she found herself yearning for her old life; for days she had to skirt around Clanmates that despised her actions, belting out laughter with her friends, mindless walks through forests heavy with the scent of early snowfall. Hana missed the touch of those she loved, of sitting side-by-side with Pierce and gossiping about boys late into the night. Hana missed the company of her children, bright eyes full of a hope Hana had once wore like an armour. Free of guilt, responsibilities, mistakes, candles in the dark that made all of Hana's hardships tolerable.
But she was without them now. Without her children, without Pierce, without Miso, Hana was truly alone in the endless stretches of tundra and blue skies. Yet their absence was not a burden to weigh her down. No, without her, they would prosper: just has her children had when she surrendered them to more caring hands. Like flowers in the sun they flourished, grew, they shined and smiled, they were happy without her. The concept was an old wound, one reopened many times, a scar she could never rid herself of. It was a bittersweet sentiment to know she was so unneeded in the overarching story of her own life, but in the silence of the taiga with only her thoughts to keep her company it was enough to offer solace that she would not be missed. For that she knew. Hana could shoulder her own heartache, spend countless nights crying herself to sleep in the isolation of her own room. Yet never would she put such despair on another, let alone someone so important to her. Pierce would not remember her. Her closest friend, the man she cared about most, the one person she had a connection to that went beyond flesh and into their very souls, as if they were soulmates in a way Miso could never be for her. She had erased herself from his memory; wiped the memories of flesh rending between sharpened canines, of the life fading from her eyes, the images of blood drooling from open wounds that neither of them could prevent.
She had to find him. Hana had to find him, and let him know she was okay. That she still loved him, even if he would not know her anymore.
Soil gave way easily to delicate ivory paws as Hana tread quietly through the forest, copper eyes fixed unblinkingly ahead of her as her thoughts wandered to distant places. Evergreens shifted and leaned into each other as the winds pushed through the newly budding forest, cautious to avoid harming any of the new buds on low-lying brush as she meandered. To say Hana was lost would be an understatement, but wandering through the taiga hardly a worry for the painted feline. She knew she was close. She had to be, nowhere else in these Gods-forsaken lands looked anything similar to endless evergreens and sharp mountains pawing angrily at the sky, as if they wanted to splice the clouds themselves. Snowbound was near, somewhere, a much softer group than their terrain would suggest. Despite the warming spring conditions Hana's sigh rose as a thin mist in the late morning air, pulling in a deep breath of the crisp air. The earthen felines' steps halted at the crackling of a twig under larger paws just out of sight behind a tangle of budding branches. "Hello?" Hana called, tongue catching between her canines as she nearly reverted to her native tongue. If this animal just beyond her reach truly wanted to hurt her, her choice of greeting would not be of much matter, but Hana would rather not sound like a lost foreigner in lands she already clearly did not belong in.
Re: where my armour ends // private - astre - 05-12-2018
Do I belong?
Do I belong?
Again the question resonated in his head. He was a gray speck in an ocean of stark white. Even the darkest of boulders around him felt at home in this land. As the taiga was unfamiliar to Kodiak, so Kodiak was to the taiga.
The air was nearly silent. Kodiak felt nothing but discomfort.
The snow crunched under his paws rhythmically as he tread the land, and the freezing wind glided past his ears, chilling him to the bone. Any smell he would be able to pick up in his residential biome was masked by the blankets of cold around him. Even the most obvious of snowshoe hares that dashed in front of him would go unseen, unscented, incognito in the dense white.
He almost regretted leaving the Sanctuary, where he was kept warm and fed, but he immediately dismissed the thought. The need for answers, fueled by his bloodline's fiery pride, kept him moving through the land.
The snowflakes continued to drift and glide off of Kodiak's soft gray fur. The coldness of the sky's fragments continued to give him a grim reminder of his past.
Do I belong?
The soft crunching of snow under him gave way to a loud crackling noise. As the rest of the taiga was nearly silent, the sound of the twig cracking beneath his stone-grey paws was deafening. Shocking the young hyena, he paused dead in his tracks. He caught a quick look at his surroundings.
It was an ocean of white and a cluster of dark, deadened trees that engulfed the gray feliform. The sight was dizzying to him.
A loud voice cut the air like a knife through silk. It seemed to have been calling out to someone.
A raw emotion struck his nerves. It was similar to the emotion he felt many years ago after he had been captured, one that had been rather unfamiliar to him and his bloodline prior.
Fear.
Although frozen in terror, the young, naive hyena had no choice but to return the call.
Softly his weakened voice called out...
"...Hello?"
This was a question all too familiar to young Kodiak. The nerve-biting chill of the taiga air met the thin pelt of the hyena relentlessly, sending his whole body into an earth-quaking shiver. He should be used to this by now.
Unfortunately, it wasn't so.
It's been several, several long years since he was separated from his clan, his home, his family. The pelt-clad two-legged monsters that robbed the young scout of his heritage caused him to abandon all hope of trusting anyone in this strange new land.
Including his rescuers.
Kodiak. Why was that name given to him? He was not native to the land of which he treads his paws. His clan halfway across the world might not have approved of such a moniker, especially since it reflects none of the pride that was bestowed upon his bloodline. It reflected the new, strange, white-covered land that met him with each passing day. Day after day he searched for answers.
Unfortunately, it wasn't so.
It's been several, several long years since he was separated from his clan, his home, his family. The pelt-clad two-legged monsters that robbed the young scout of his heritage caused him to abandon all hope of trusting anyone in this strange new land.
Including his rescuers.
Kodiak. Why was that name given to him? He was not native to the land of which he treads his paws. His clan halfway across the world might not have approved of such a moniker, especially since it reflects none of the pride that was bestowed upon his bloodline. It reflected the new, strange, white-covered land that met him with each passing day. Day after day he searched for answers.
Do I belong?
Again the question resonated in his head. He was a gray speck in an ocean of stark white. Even the darkest of boulders around him felt at home in this land. As the taiga was unfamiliar to Kodiak, so Kodiak was to the taiga.
The air was nearly silent. Kodiak felt nothing but discomfort.
The snow crunched under his paws rhythmically as he tread the land, and the freezing wind glided past his ears, chilling him to the bone. Any smell he would be able to pick up in his residential biome was masked by the blankets of cold around him. Even the most obvious of snowshoe hares that dashed in front of him would go unseen, unscented, incognito in the dense white.
He almost regretted leaving the Sanctuary, where he was kept warm and fed, but he immediately dismissed the thought. The need for answers, fueled by his bloodline's fiery pride, kept him moving through the land.
The snowflakes continued to drift and glide off of Kodiak's soft gray fur. The coldness of the sky's fragments continued to give him a grim reminder of his past.
Do I belong?
The soft crunching of snow under him gave way to a loud crackling noise. As the rest of the taiga was nearly silent, the sound of the twig cracking beneath his stone-grey paws was deafening. Shocking the young hyena, he paused dead in his tracks. He caught a quick look at his surroundings.
It was an ocean of white and a cluster of dark, deadened trees that engulfed the gray feliform. The sight was dizzying to him.
A loud voice cut the air like a knife through silk. It seemed to have been calling out to someone.
A raw emotion struck his nerves. It was similar to the emotion he felt many years ago after he had been captured, one that had been rather unfamiliar to him and his bloodline prior.
Fear.
Although frozen in terror, the young, naive hyena had no choice but to return the call.
Softly his weakened voice called out...
"...Hello?"
Re: where my armour ends // private - hana. - 05-12-2018
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;"]Trust, how fragile and fickle a thing it was. So easy to damage, to irreversibly tarnish, a permanent stain impossible to see through. Hana was naive in her belief that all wounds would heal in due time, that her thoughtless actions may one day be forgotten and the cinders of old friendships stoked back to life. Unlike Koadiak, however, Hana was hasty to place her trust into the hands of those that would mar it. It left her with broken friendships, scars, children. But the chocolate feline was not one to learn from her mistakes, continuing to believe there was good in the world around her and she could persevere through the trials thrown endlessly at her. She was mature in body; no longer a fledgeling adult, a mother to five, spangled with old wounds that left behind milky scars and abhorrent memories. Yet her mind never aged with the rest of her, an archetypal paladin that would (and did) die to protect those she loved, or those that needed protection. Selfless, loudmouthed, brave, stupid, bold, such a thin line her actions walked between courageous and suicidal.
It was a vice Hana would never grow out of, as a hesitant voice called through the soft shifting of evergreens whispering to each other in the winds. Hesitance fixed the earthen girls paws in place, disc-like ears swiveling forward in confirmation that her isolated mind wasn't playing tricks on her. The voice seemed as lost as she did, lacking the confidence of a predator here to protect his lands. Hana's held breath released in a relieved sigh, vapor clouding her vision briefly as silence settled between the two strangers once more. Impulsive as all her previous actions, Hana took slow steps toward the beckoning call, copper eyes narrowing to peer through the gaps in the barren brush blocking the two from each other. How had she not scented his approach? Heard the soil crunch, the remaining snow groan beneath his paws? Was she truly so lost in thought she could no longer properly defend herself? Yet the discomfort, a palpable sense of unease from the boy behind the bushes, gave Hana an easy excuse to write off her lack of attention. He was no threat. His voice carried fear, wariness, the hesitance of someone who had not been expecting company. This stranger shouldered the fears Hana had forced herself to face long ago, to rip them from their home in her heart.
Whether it was the craving for the company of another or sheer foolishness Hana did not know, but snow-dipped paws carried her toward the dividing wall of brush against the wishes of her buzzing mind. A canine she had been expecting, from the shadowed form through the brambles, the depth of his voice, the heavy downfall of his paws- a hyena in such cold, unwelcoming lands was far from what she had on her mind. Ducking her head low to squeeze through the naked branches, large ears rotated carefully forward to remain alert of Kodiak's movements. "[abbr=formal "hello"]안녕하세요,[/abbr]" she greeted softly, reverting back to her birth language as an act of her nerves. Pearl white canines grazed her lower lip as Hana pulled herself from the shrubbery, straightening her posture to fully view Kodiak while her muscles remained coiled for an easy escape if need be. Yet the tension drained from her body within seconds as Kodiak came into full view.
He was nearly a mirror of Hana, or how Hana had once been, yet the image was different. Warped, distorted, shattered, like the moon viewing itself from the rough and choppy waves of the ocean. Fearful, hopeless, lost. She saw herself in the imperfect ripples, her isolated struggles, she saw Pierce, his distrust of others after his closest friend drove a dagger deep into a chest. To say Hana was hasty in her assumptions about Kodiak was an understatement. Yet those same conclusions kept her grounded, once erect ears slowly reclining to rest softly against her head.
Weak, her conscience called to her. You are vulnerable.
Hana slowly lowered herself into a sit to prove she was of no threat (as if someone of her small stature could be taken as a threat regardless).
Strangers cannot be trusted.
Her dense tail came to curl tightly around her lithe frame, white paws disappearing behind thick plumage of well-maintained fur.
They've only ever hurt you.
But Hana was not one to learn from her mistakes, continuing to believe there was good in the world around her. To believe she could persevere through the trials thrown at her, that she could help this stranger through his own. A smile pulled the corners of her lips up, the most cathartic action she had performed in countless days under the gaze of another. Melancholy clawed at her ribcage like a beast rabid for release, unshed tears burning the back of her eyes. Gods, how she missed contact. The company of others. She spent many nights shut away, playing games alone late into the night, but the reality of her solitude came crashing down onto her as she was met with the presence of another aware being. No fantasy to lose herself in, nobody to visit late in the night, just herself and that was no longer good enough. "Lost?" Hana interrupted her thoughts with a single word question, voice strained as the domestic feline struggled to compose herself. Hana Song would not cry, not when there was nothing to cry over. She had wasted too many tears on her own pity parties. Instead she drew in a slow breath through her nose, releasing her tightly clenched jaw to dispel the tension with light words to returning smile. Gods above if there was one thing Hana could always do, it was act.
"'M not too much help, but I can try."
Re: where my armour ends // private - astre - 05-13-2018
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;"]
The feliform's head canted at the sight of the small cat which made itself known to Kodiak. A small, slender body. Her position on the ground showed friendliness, trust, in that of a stranger. This was a strange concept to Kodiak. How is such a small creature so quick to trust a species such as his own, one known for its highly predatory and savage nature?
Perhaps... She knew he didn't belong here.
Conflicting emotions stirred in the mind of the young hyena. A mixture of warmth, a mixture of confusion, a mixture of anger. Warmth in the sense that he has found life in this white, freezing wasteland. Confusion in the sense that she was friendly enough to show herself to him so easily and in such a trusting manner. Anger in the sense...
...that he felt vulnerable.
If she knew he didn't belong, what would that mean for him? Would the she-cat take advantage of him? Obviously, she lived in the area... or at least, was familiar with the environment. She could easily deceive him. Then again, on the rational side of things, she looked far too small to be a threat to a hyena his size, yet so young. Her positioning didn't seem like the deceitful type, and her voice in the winter night was soothing to him after months of nothing but the sound of the wind beneath his ears and the snow beneath his frozen gray paws.
The echoes of the feline's unfamiliar voice bounced off the deadened ghost town that was the deciduous forest and resonated within Kodiak's consciousness. It warmed his heart to find such friendliness in a rather extreme area such as this.
He missed the feeling. He hadn't felt this way since before he was relocated. Friendship and trust were such fragile concepts to the scout that he burned the bridges between acquaintances before even being built. This, however, felt different. He could tell within the sound of her voice that her kindness and trustworthiness was genuine.
His quaking voice softened. His legs stopped stirring. His nose exhaled a warm, relieved vapor that clouded around him in the already-white environment. He could feel his claws slowly retract back into his paws. He hadn't noticed they had been unsheathed before. Was it a part of his fearful emotions? He reserved the question for a later date; he had others to answer.
He fixated his blue-eyed gaze upon the she-cat below him. He realized he had been standing up the whole time, looking down upon her. He felt like he had been disrespecting his strange friend.
Slowly, Kodiak's slender gray body sank down to the whiteness below, attempting to mirror the she-cat's trusting behavior. The cold snow would have been shocking to him, but the harsh winds did the job for the snow beforehand. He folded his paws beneath his head and curled his tail parallel to his body.
A small smile painted the canvas of Kodiak's face. The muscles in his face felt unused after what seemed like ages of feeling empty. "Heh, yeah, you could say that." He felt the bristled fur on his spine begin to tame. But what could he say? That he was captured, abused, and then freed? What would that say about his vulnerability? What would that say about his bloodline? That he was weak? Careless? A wasted opportunity?
Kodiak tried not to let the pride of his heritage interfere with interacting with the smaller creature. "I would appreciate the help, but..." He trailed off, unable to complete his thought. What exactly was he getting into? Where would she take him?
His sky-blue eyes shifted left, right, left again.
He swallowed his pride.
"Where do we go from here?"